Terrifying Love

Worshipping God has to be in freedom, or in Spirit and truth because that’s the type of worshippers that God seeks (John 4:23-24). He is looking for intimacy and not a religious obligation. He is not looking for people who worship Him because they have to, but because they genuinely desire to. That’s only possible in true freedom and that is the work of the Holy Spirit in us, just as it was in the people of Israel in the wilderness for 40 years.

The thing I have had difficulty experiencing was not His love, affection or His anointing and power, but going through the journey of the feeling of being afraid of Him in His love in prayer. As much as I would like to state otherwise, I cannot escape the reality that intimacy involves fear. Not fear of losing Him or fear of not pleasing Him, but fearing Him, period! I am talking about genuine, real terror in His presence.

It is not because He intently frightens us, not at all! But His presence and His intimacy can get to the point of causing us to feel terror. I have experienced in the same hour of prayer and devotion, His power, His love, and affection in a very personal and intimate way, and also His holy presence which has terrified me, to the point of me interrupting my prayer because of unbearable fear. I do not have any other explanation but to simply say that it is because of my alienated emotions. It is because I am not yet made perfect in love, and He sometimes allows us to have such experiences so that we know the perfection to which we are called, which is pure love and holiness.

These things may sound easy to attain to some, even weak or insignificant to others, but in reality and in essence, they are the heaviest things, the hardest things, the most valuable and eternally significant things, one can hope to attain.

"Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling; for it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure." (Phil 2:12-13)

Now the real challenge is feeling the terror of His presence and seeking His presence again. Now that is where I find myself practicing my faith to rely on Him beyond my abilities. All this talk about a loving God outside the context of growing in prayer life, make God's love sound like teddy-bear-love, while for most believers there are so many mount Sinais to cross, many obstacles to cross over and over again, like ironing a shirt, until no wrinkles are left.

While we put on more and more wrinkles on our faces, it is my prayer that the wrinkles of our souls be ironed by his fiery love, so that when we meet Him, we may only leap from pure joy and surrender to His arms for our eternal rest.

So If we are challenged by His holiness in His presence, then how are we to face the difficulties of life? Are we to be reactive and apply our faith and seek His help only in those instances when confronted in the world? Or are we to be made perfect in His love in prayer, and confront the difficulties of life having been built up by Him, being capable of reflecting His light in the darkness of this world? We are called to represent Him, to be 'terrifying' as well in a sense, to terrify the darkness in this world and cast out demons wherever we go, in person or in prayer, because just as he is so are we in this world.

"Love has been perfected among us in this: that we may have boldness in the day of judgment; because as He is, so are we in this world. Love has been perfected among us in this: that we may have boldness in the day of judgment; because as He is, so are we in this world." (1 John 4:17-19)